the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
