Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
