3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm going to jail i love you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
