i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize