when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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