There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
