meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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