So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
