i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
