What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
