I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I party with great urgency now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
