Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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