He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
