he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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