people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
