she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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