Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
