i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
