I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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