Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
