well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Never underestimate the power of titties
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
