i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize