Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
