names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
