i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
