I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Shame - the story of my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
