A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
