my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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