youre lurking in front of me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want her autograph on my taint
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
