i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
