what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
