You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
