I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
