And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
