Don't you send me to vm
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
