He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
