WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dear god my vagina.
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