it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
