did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
