Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize