that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
