What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
