I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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