Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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