So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My life is pants optional.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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