K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
