Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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