how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
