I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
