Need sex. Gaining weight.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
