No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Randomize
