I forgot how hot balto sounded
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
