I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
