I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
