I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
