Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you never un-have a 4some
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
