In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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