I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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