Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
