Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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