Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
