Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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