dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
