it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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