so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
