I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
