All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
