that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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