Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
