my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
