I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
