The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
