i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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