Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
