What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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