To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He passed out mid-signature
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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