New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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