You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
