I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
