I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
