We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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