Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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