Will you blow on my dice?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
