Need sex. Gaining weight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
