Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
